Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Part Trois: Love and Marriage



I have a wonderful cousin who’s just around 24 years old who wants to get married. And guess who’s duty it is to find the lucky lady? You guessed it! Yours truly has been bride shopping lately!

He’s been looking for a bride for over a year now. Whenever he met a girl he fancied he’d call me and ask me to meet her for coffee, which I do. And they were all perfectly sweet young ladies. Until they weren’t.

One wanted him to never talk to me or see me again. Another wanted him to stop visiting mom so frequently. A third one wanted him to stop seeing his childhood friends. A fourth one went enquiring about the market value of his family business. Sweethearts, weren’t they?

And that was when my mother suggested we do things more traditionally. My second cousin’s college bestfriend’s sister in law has a third cousin twice removed… you get the picture.

Now don’t run amok saying Asmaa wants all the girls to get boyfriends, I’m just not a fan of checking out a girl as if she were merchandise on display.

Her skin’s too dark, her skin’s too light. Her hair’s curly. She’s fat. She goes to medical school, does she intend to work after she graduates? No, after 6 excruciating years and an internship I intend to stay at home. They pry into the tiniest details of girl’s life and it’s not them getting married, it’s a guy she wont meet until both families agree on the terms of purchase. I feel terrible checking girls out, really!

The girl doesn't get to talk much. After the mothers talk, the girl is called into the room and most of the time just sits quietly on a sofa since both mothers already discussed everything there is to be known about the girl and the guy. As she sits there observing the ritual I sit on another sofa observing her and feeling like a slave merchant. Remember that scene in The Gladiator? I bet Russell Crowe wasn't required to be able to cook, clean, do laundry, iron and not break a sweat.

Families agreeing with each other is important, since you marry the family not the girl. But how about he meets her and not me? He can provide me with a list of his demands but it wont be like meeting her.

What I would really like for him is to meet a girl who can accept him for who he is, with whom he shares a common goal. Someone he’s comfortable being himself around, who wont judge him.


First two parts:
Part One: L-O-V-E
Part Two: Love is...

6 comments:

  1. Well...
    I'm trying to understand your post here!
    What you are saying basically, is that you don't like the traditional way of choosing the future wife because:
    1- She "the future wife" will be humiliated and exposed like a merchandise.
    2- It is better if the guy would check out his future wife first hand.
    What if we keep our traditional way with removing the above mentioned points? Can we do that?

    I guess yeah we can.
    The way I explain the marriage process to my co-workers here in the states is that it is done on several steps:
    1-The female members of the family go out scouting.
    2-Matchmaking happens.
    3-The guy meets the girl under parental supervision.
    4-If they like each other, they get engaged and they get to go out together.
    5-If everything goes O.K. they go ahead and proceed with the marriage, and they live happily ever after.


    Does that seem fair enough to you?

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  2. it's funny how things goes when it comes to marriage! and i wonder whats wrong with those girls eno etshara6oo ashyaa nonsense!

    but bel other hand, how el walad yaqdeer talk to the girl beojood all el traditions?

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  3. as per my own small understanding of life on this planet, Traditions are: the set of behaviours (rules, themes, proverbs, body gestures, etc.) that has been made, accepted and practised by certain people at certain historical times. (there is no continuous tradition).
    ironically, Traditions are made up of people who usually have dies and faded away in history, while ones who preserve them -Tradition- are following / next generation who follow the steps of the older generation.
    problem is that in closed societies, they cant realized that there could exist more than one way to live, Traditional societies take longer time to realize this fact, they are so terrified at the fact that a human being could live in a different way, usually it is because of fear of being or even looking different, you find this very evident in societies that has a strict code of dress, millions of people can easily be classified into white or black (as per their gender), what adds to it is when this is put into what is called law.
    if life has to have a single life style or tradition, God would have not made us speak different languages, after all, its easier to create human-beings who speak a single language.
    societies that not only preserve Traditions but also enforces them is like a self cursing person, who simply Njoys putting him/her self into continuous torture because they think it is more purifying.
    in my own personal case, i am so lucky that my marriage was not this dramatic as saudi or arabian marriages are, it took me few hours from the moment i first saw her, to the moment i asked her hand, i was in the driver's seat, my-to-be wife on the passenger seat, and i put everyone/thing else in the trunk, and some into the trash.
    years down the road, i can say that i am the happiest person of the people i know weather in my own family or peers.
    dont make things complicated, life is simple, its only you who make it tough on your self.
    best wishes.

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  4. I know, badri min 3omri!

    Ali: ;)

    xtrailer: I still dont understand why are you explaining this to me. and no, i still don't think it's fair.

    Fadiosis <3

    Firyal: a guy and a girl cannot have a decent honest conversation in this country simply because they fear being honest. it's much more deeper than just traditions *sigh*

    Arabia Breeze: always a pleasure to hear a happy tale! and yes, life's simple and i dont understand why we absolutely have to complicate it so!

    ReplyDelete

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