Monday, February 08, 2016

A Number of Things.

I have decided to compile a chronological list of all the times I have sustained a serious injury. A serious injury is any injury that has impaired my mobility and /or my ability to work.

Age 16:
-Dislocated right knee. 4 weeks in cast.
Age 26:
-Right knee injury, tripped on stairs in front of the supermarket. 4 weeks in brace.
Age 28:
-Right knee injury, slipped on ice. Impaired mobility for 2 weeks.
Age 29:
-Concussion, car crash. Three months and still recovering.
-Broken right big toe and sprained left thumb, fell. 6-8 weeks for the toe, 3 weeks for the thumb. I'm in week two now.

I've apparently been getting clumsier since 26. Also, inclined to fall/injure my right knee. Not cool.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Dear Universe, I thought we were friends.

Do you know how long it takes the nurses at my healthcare centre to respond to someone screaming in agony in one of the clinics?
Never. They wouldn't bother.

I'm not sure what it is that makes them ignore a screaming person, especially since they're healthcare professionals. They once even made a joke about me rushing to a screaming person across the clinics, only to find a pair of enthusiastic teenagers.

I had a bad flu all last week, it gave me vertigo at times. Three days ago I fell face down in my clinic. I'm not the type to scream, I'm not sure why but screaming even in the terrible pain I was in seemed pointless. I called out to the nurses, no one responded. I continued calling until a number of curious patients opened my clinic door and found me on the floor. They then called the nurses.

After thorough investigation, it became apparent that I had avulsion fractures in my right first metatarsal and my left first metacarpal. Both in casts at the moment.

It's only been three days but I already feel utterly useless. I can't even tie my own hair. Not cool, universe.

Saturday, January 02, 2016

Kindness To Animals. And My Marshmallow.

Pets have a shorter lifespan than their humans. Street cats/dogs have an even shorter lifespan. Your kindness to an animal sans domicile fixe (because "homeless" is politically incorrect) could be the only kindness they encounter in their short lives.

When you feed cats, they multiply.

We've been feeding a cat who lived on our block, then exclusively lived at our door. She once sought shelter with her baby at our door and was terrified of the food we gave her. With time she came to not only know us, but know our work hours and wait for us. The little thing wanted company more than food, she wanted someone to pet her and play with her. She was hit by a car yesterday, we've only known her about 4 months. Her whole life lasted under a year.

Have I ever told you about Marshmallow?
After Jojo passed away (a cat with congenital defects that I adopted and cared for) two years ago I took Bubbles (my Prime Cat, currently about 9-10 years old) to the vet to be put under observation while I gave the house a hospital grade scrub. When I went to pick her up, the doctor tried to sell me a kitten. So I asked him if he had any older cats.

And that's how I found my Marshmallow. She's an 8 year old american shorthair who was left at the vet"s because her humans couldn't keep her anymore. Older cats are difficult to adopt. She's been there a few months, it was food and shelter but not much human interaction. Just her and a bunch of kittens.

This is her.

When I first brought her home, she was very afraid of humans and she refused to be carried under any circumstances. Also, she's quite obese.

Her obesity, according to her previous humans, is a result of her emotional eating after they took her baby away from her. That is after she had to have a cesarean delivery due to inadequate pelvic outlet. Which was due to the fact that they backed their car into her when she was little and broke her hip. This kitty is a trooper.

Since then she's lost some weight, she's quite playful, and now I can carry her for about 10 seconds before she starts acting like the world is ending.

Furthermore, she adopted a black kitten last year. Said kitten is now no longer a kitten but she still treats her like a baby, grooming her and cuddling her.

P.S. Bubbles isn't in any photos because she is the queen of everything. She won't leave her room and join us peasants.

Friday, January 01, 2016

Ten Weeks Later

I'm still not me. I know I'm not. I can see me in the distance and hope I'll be able to reach that in time.

It's taking too long though. I'm still lagging, I still can't trust that I won't burst out suddenly. Which isn't nice.

My psychiatrist is accommodating and understanding. He thinks I'm on the right track. This wasn't the psychiatrist I was referred to after the accident by the ER doctors who saw me. Because they didn't refer me to anyone, not even neurosurgery. My CTs were reported a week after my accident (during which time I was sent home with a 3 day sick leave and not even a warning about returning to work)

I still get mood swings. Not regular mood swings, more like Godzilla mood swings. Less frequently, though. I severely dislike them. They make me feel helpless. Like the person I cultivated for the past 20something years is no longer in the driver seat.

I understand I repeat myself. I can't remember my previous posts and I only have enough concentration to either read them or write this. I chose to write.

Monday, November 23, 2015

Return To Work After Traumatic Brain Injury - Take Two.

It is difficult to return to work after traumatic brain injury. And I already feel like I'm spewing emotional baggage over all of you.

Sometimes I think I'm underestimating how bad this was, and that this is normal and I shouldn't feel guilty about not being able to carry on with life as usual. Other times I take it out on myself and things get ugly. I need to find a place in the middle.

I saw a few patients yesterday. It gave me stage fright. I felt like I forgot to put any clothes on and was out naked in public. I felt vulnerable and exposed.

After seeing a number of patients I felt unable to form proper sentences easily, I've consumed too much of my focusing energy and I couldn't put words together. Luckily, I didn't just point at her to shut up and leave. I wrote her prescription, which helped me regain some focus again and de-fog my brain, and I found the words to tell her how to take her meds. That wasn't easy.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Concussion diary - 3 weeks later

I should've kept a concussion diary. I'm only starting to make sense now.

It's been three weeks since the accident. I'm still keeping lists of everything. My memory slightly improved, but other issues have risen.

I can't handle crowds. I feel too exposed, too vulnerable. Very soft, like I no longer have a shell. I need to regrow my walls.

I just went to work for the first time since. It's agonising. I was confident when I left the house, now not at all. Having terrible cognitive abilities isn't helping either.

I feel like every thought I have is just floating on the surface of my brain, and my brain won't soak up anything. Some thoughts seep in, I have a better recollection of conversations now.

I saw three patients so far. I remember them like one would remember last minute cramming on the morning of a test.

I'm crying too much, too. That isn't nice.

Tuesday, October 06, 2015

ليش ما رحتي موعد الدكتور؟

الموعد اللي ليكي شهر بتستني، كيف فات عليكي؟ موعد مهم عشان بنتك ما بتمشي كويس و كان لازم نصحح مشيتها من شهرين، بس إنتي ما جيتي الموعد اللي اتعذبنا إلين ما جبنالك هو أصلاً.

"زوجي بعيد و ما عندي أحد يوصلني"
-طيب تاكسي؟
"ما عندي ولد كبير يخرج معايا في تاكسي، ما حأروح لحالي"
-طيب الولد الصغير دا مو مهم؟ إنتي رايحة المستشفى، مو السوق. أكيد زوجك حيوافق.
"ايوة زوجي ما عنده مانع. بس أنا ما أخرج لوحدي"
-كم عمرك؟
“32 سنة. "
- و لمن طفلك يكبر و ما يقدر يمشي عدل، ايش حتقولي للناس؟ أنا ما أخرج لحالي؟

كل يومين و التالت تجي ست زي دي. عندها موعد في مستشفى بس فوتته عشان ما تخرج لحالها. أو طفلها مريض( أحيانًا مريض جداً) بس ما جابته الدكتور عشان ما عندها أحد يوصلها و هي ما حتخرج لحالها.

نفس السيناريو دا بس بدل الحالة ب: طاح من الدرج/ طاح عليه الدولاب / اخوه ضربه / إلخ. و ما تقوم بنفسها تجيب الولد على المركز الصحي أو توديه مستشفى، و بعدها بشهرين يزكم و تجيبه عشان الزكام و نكتشف اللي حصل قبل كدة.

ربنا ستر مع أغلب الأطفال هادول، بس أكيد في أطفال حصلهم مشاكل مزمنة من الشي دا.

كيف تخلي الأمهات يتلحلحو و يقومو؟ مهم أطفال و مسؤولية أطفالهم عليهم! المهم، دمي انحرق.

Thursday, October 01, 2015


Wedding rings.

Status symbols fade, what's in fashion goes out of fashion, it's all obsolete.

Choosing a symbol dictated by another as appropriate, meaningful, or valuable, though that symbol holds no significance to you gives it no meaning and only shows your gullibility.

Choose what speaks to you. Things only hold the meanings we allow them to hold.

P. S. People will always have something to say, albeit not always nice, about your choices. It's none of their business, but they still choose to inform you of their opinion. That makes them inappropriate.

Wednesday, July 01, 2015

The Skin.

I could never tan well. I always got burnt, mostly unintentionally.

Approaching 30 has got me thinking about my skin more. Mostly out of vanity, partially out of fear of people knowing my age. I even started taking daily sunscreen seriously and scrutinizing my morning/evening routines.

I've had terrible acne as a teenager, and after some 4 courses of Roaccutane I now only get occasional breakouts. I have an oily T zone (which looks more like an I) and dry cheeks. I'm more of a dry combination skin.

I've used Clinique since my mother got me my first 3-step system as a teenager. Though I've ditched the clarifying lotion recently and just used the soap and moisturizing lotion. Now I just have a complex routine that I'm trying to improve on. Here it is:



Eye Cream:
Night Cream:
  • My own mixture of 0.05% retinoid in 0.1% hydrocortisone cream. It's magical.
Masks and scrubs:

Now, I'm trying to add anything anti-aging, line reducing or such to my routine. Since I already have bio argan oil I thought I'd add it under my morning moisturizer. Second day so far, let's see how it goes! Any suggestions?? Kindly share!

Saturday, June 27, 2015

دوام الممارس الصحي في رمضان.

 شايفين؟ سرت أكتب عربي.

الدوام مجنني.

حسب الخدمة المدنية, دوام الممارس الصحي في المراكزالصحية ٦ ساعات. ممتاز, صح؟ المشكلة انو ال ٦ ساعات دي غير متصلة في أغلب المراكز. فيسير الدكاترة والممرضين يداومو ٣ ساعات ,يروحو بيوتهم, و يرجعو بعدين يداومو ٣ ساعات تانية. ساعات الدوام صباحا ١٠-١ومساء ٩:٣٠ - ١٢:٣٠.

و مركزنا ما فيه طواريء, بس عيادات. مافي اسعاف ولا أدوات ولا سرر. بس عيادات عادية.

يعني اليوم يسيرشكله كده: 

٣ساعات في السيارةكل يوم! غير الصداع, السواق المسكين كيف أفهمه ليش لازم أروح الدوام مرتين في اليوم, مره و هو صايم و مرة يعد ما يفطر. و ما يقدر يقضي مشاوير و انا في الدوام لأنه أكيد حيتأخر عليا و أنا دوامي في طريق مكة. وبدل النقل طبعا ما زاد خلال الشهر دا مع تضاعف عدد المشاوير.

و الدكتورات و الممرضات اللي عندهم أزواج و أطفال في البيت. متى يطبخو و يأكلو و ينضفو؟

أصلا متى ألحق أنام عشان ما أخرف على المرضى؟

كان ممكن نداوم ٦ ساعات في الصباح ويكون الدوام كده:

بس حرام, المرضى بعد ما ياكلو ويتكو, فين يروحو؟ يتمشو على المركزالصحي. بس الدكاترة عادي يزلطو الفطور و يجرو على الدوام, و يخرجومن الدوام يتسحرو بدري عشان يلحقو ينامو لدوام الصباح, و يرجعو بيوتهم عشان ينحبسو في المطبخ. الين ٢٢ رمضان. يعني رمضان كله بدون تراويح و كمان يومين من العشرة الأواخر.

المهم, خلوني أنام. أصلا ما بأقدر أنام غير في الويك اند.